This morning, I had some plans. They were simple, but they were plans, and, once again, they were interrupted. I closed my laptop and swiveled away from my desk to lean over my crying baby. This time she needed a new diaper and to be fed. Her arms and legs were slowly waving, her eyes squeezed shut, and her mouth squared open in seeming anguish--a little melodramatic, to be sure, but she was very uncomfortable! In those moments of certain inconvenience, somehow her needy face--melodramatic though it is--makes my heart melt. She needs care.
You are free to proceed with the abortion, Emmie--and, just as you've felt a weight lifted with the decision, you may never regret it. As many have said, giving birth is not easy. But, if you allowed the baby to be born, and if you let that baby receive care, whether from your hand or another's, you would not regret it. And I think you would realize then, and only then, that aborting him or her would have been a terrible thing to do.
So, you have the option of aborting now and possibly feeling no guilt--or you have the option of carrying to term, feeling no guilt, and allowing the dependent baby to receive care and someday make decisions for him or herself.
Have you been able to read my comment before aborting? Has it influenced you at all?
One last question--how can you be sure you will be happy in graduate school?
My baby began crying again, so I should stop here. But I had to write you. When I looked into my daughter's face this morning, I feel I peeked at your baby's face, too.