"For everything there is a season, and a time for every matter under heaven: a time to be born, and a time to die..." Ecclesiastes 3:1-2

Whether to go gentle
The Welsh poet Dylan Thomas (1914-1953) famously wrote that, when it comes to death, people should not “go gentle into that good night,” but instead “Rage, rage against the dying of the light.” Dylan was only partially right.

I can think of many occasions when I have hoped and prayed for a loved one to fight to recover from a life-threatening illness or injury; however, I can also think of times when people I love have gone gently and even joyfully into that “good night” of death.  They have come to their “season ... to die” with a peacefulness and an assurance of everlasting life that strengthened the faith of, and brought comfort and hope to, their friends and family once they had passed.

I’ve been thinking quite a bit about death lately. Perhaps it’s the season: as 2011 closes, the inevitable lists of “notable deaths” have been popping up in magazines and on the internet. Or perhaps it’s a recent conversation I had with Joan (not her real name), a woman in my Sunday school class, who received a prayer request from another class member. Mary (or hers), who has terminal cancer, asked Joan to pray for her to die. Joan said no. When I asked Joan why she refused, she shrugged and said, “I don’t know .... It just didn’t seem like the right thing to do.”

I must admit that Joan’s attitude puzzles me; and while I cannot point to a verse that gives me specific permission to pray for someone I love to die (even when they have requested it), I believe it can be a biblically-based prayer in certain circumstances. Mary’s situation illustrates one such case.

Mary is in her late 80s, and she has been through every treatment the doctors have thrown at her, with no success. She is in constant pain, and she has no hope of getting better this side of heaven. According to her doctors at MD Anderson, she only has a couple of months to live. When she made her prayer request, she wasn’t asking Joan to pull a Dr. Kevorkian on her. She isn’t depressed or suicidal, nor is she trying to rush ahead of God’s timing. She is simply acting in a manner consistent with her beliefs.

Christian view of dying
As a Christian, Mary believes that this life is not all there is. She knows that death is nothing to fear; it’s just the means by which she will move from an earthly life to a heavenly one. It will bring an end to her pain, tears, and suffering (Revelation 21:4). Even better, it will allow her to come face to face with the Lord she loves. If asked, she would undoubtedly echo Paul’s conviction that “to live is Christ and to die is gain” (Philippians 1:21). And, like Paul, Mary desires “to depart and be with Christ, for that is far better” (Philippians 1:23).

Mary’s request indicates that she has reached the final stage in the dying process: acceptance. In 1969, Dr. Elizabeth Kubler-Ross identified five stages of dying in her book On Death and Dying: (1) denial and isolation; (2)  anger; (3) bargaining; (4) depression; and (5) acceptance. By faith, she is already turning her eyes away from the things of this life and beginning to anticipate her eternal home. Therefore, unlike Joan, I have no problem with honoring Mary’s request and praying for her to die.

I’m asking the Lord to give her “dying grace” -- which includes not only relief from physical pain, but also the peace that passes all understanding (Philippians 4:7). Because the Psalmist assures us that “precious in the sight of the Lord is the death of His saints” (Psalm 116:15), I’m asking that she will revel in His tender care during her last days upon this earth. Finally, I’m asking the Lord to make Himself so real to her that she will hardly notice when this life ends and her life with Him begins. Perhaps, like Stephen, He will allow her to see Jesus standing and awaiting her arrival (Acts 7:55-56).

We’re supposed to pray about everything (Philippians 4:6). Shouldn’t death -- our death or the death of someone we love -- be on that list?  I know that when my season to die comes, I want my friends and family praying for me to “go gentle into that good night.”  I know my Savior is waiting with open arms, and I can think of no reason to rage against that.

Next steps

Do you know someone who is grieving for a loved one lost during the previous year? Why not come alongside that friend as a listening ear and comforting presence? Ask your friend how it’s going. Would he or she like to talk? How about a prayer together?

For more insight to this topic, order the book, Classic Sermons on Death and Dying, by Warren Wiersbe, from our online store. Or read the article, “Sanctity of Life/Dying with Dignity,” by Collie A. Tettlebach.

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