Therefore a man shall leave his father and mother and hold fast to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh.” This mystery is profound, and I am saying that it refers to Christ and the church. However, let each one of you love his wife as himself, and let the wife see that she respects her husband. Ephesians 5:31-33

Harold Skimpole is just a child. Or so he would have you believe.

Skimpole is a fictional, colorful character in Charles Dickens’ novel Bleak House. A full grown adult, Skimpole describes himself as a man of “no profession whatsoever” who is dependent on the generosity of his wealthy friends for his own survival. In truth he is a lazy freeloader, but Skimpole has a different explanation for his lifestyle at the ready. He insists that he is an unfortunate simple-minded man who is incapable of understanding the complexities of moral obligation. “I am a child in such matters,” he is fond of telling anyone who will listen.

During one dinner conversation, Skimpole meets several other characters for the first time. Someone asks him if he desires to have a wife and children. Skimpole replies matter-of-factly that he does have a wife and has actually fathered many children. When the shocked dinner guests ask him how he supports this large family since he has no job, Skimpole looks stunned as if he’d never considered the question “With no profession, how could I?” he replies with a shrug. The now incredulous dinner guests then ask how his children survive without their father’s provision, to which Skimpole answers with a nonchalant smile, “Now that you mention it, I have no idea. But survive they do, somehow or other!”

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Of course it’s all a ruse. Harold Skimpole’s claim of “childlike” ignorance of the serious matters of life is merely an excuse for avoiding responsibility. In truth he understands exactly what obligation is, but he refuses to accept it. Instead he occupies a mental world completely centered on himself – a self that is utterly free of any obligation to anyone, including his own wife and children.

Interestingly enough, our postmodern, me-centered culture inclines many to see marriage in very similar terms. Most of us aren’t nearly as overt as Harold Skimpole. But increasingly we are inclined to see marriage as a contract entered into by two (or more?) parties for their own mutual enjoyment and benefit. The relationship has value only to the extent that it brings pleasure to its participants.

Marriage is for us, not for God, for society, or even for children.

But the Bible paints a very different picture, telling us in Ephesians 5 that marriage is actually a divine drama which reflects God’s character and his dedicated love toward his people. As husbands and wives play their respective roles in marriage they are actually participating in something much greater than their own happiness. They are spreading God’s glory by showing the world what his relentless love looks like. Marriage, it turns out, isn’t ultimately about the spouses – it is about God. And this obligation to the Creator is also marriage’s greatest privilege.

So when it comes to marriage let’s leave the childish focus on self to the Harold Skimpole’s of the world. Instead, among those who follow Jesus, “let marriage be held in honor by all.” (Hebrews 13:4)

For more insight to this topic, get the book, The Marriage Builder, by Larry Crabb, from our online store. Or read the article, “Rediscovering Marriage,” by Allan F. H. Wisdom.