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By Robert K. Johnson|Published Date: November 14, 2011
A Theology of Humankind from Hollywood, Part 2
No “Man” Is an Island
No man is an island, entire of itself;
every man is a piece of the continent, a part of the main.
If a clod be washed away by the sea, Europe is the less,
as well as if promontory were,
as well as if a manor of thy friend's or of thine own were.
Any man's death diminishes me, because I am involved in mankind;
John Donne (Devotions, 1624)
The way I see it, every man is an island.
But the great thing is, there’s never been a better time in history to be an island. Even fifty years ago, for instance, they didn’t have daytime TV, or videos, or CD’s or home espresso makers, or glossy magazines with questionnaires about how cool you were...
Sure I was an island, but I was a pretty cool island. I was Ibiza.
Will Freeman (About a Boy, 2002)
Real relationships
Most people know of John Donne, the remarkable English poet, philosopher and preacher of the 17th century. Few people know of Will Freeman, the star of the small 2002 movie About a Boy, but they know an increasing number of folks like him. Given the many technological advances this last decade has brought, -- think iPhone, iTunes, iPad, YouTube – many of us might even be counted in that growing number. About a Boy, as one reviewer commented, is a movie about figuring out that relationships with real people are more important than relationships with expensive electronic gadgets.
Many viewers missed About a Boy when it came out, as it debuted the same weekend as the Star Wars prequel, Attack of the Clones. Millions couldn’t miss that one. (We probably made the wrong choice, but again, Netflix can now be of help.) In About a Boy, Will “Free-man” (Hugh Grant), a cynical, shallow, self-absorbed, swinging single meets Marcus (Nicholas Hoult), a twelve-year-old boy who is mature and solemn beyond his years. In fact, Marcus might well be the “un-coolest” kid in his school. The title suggests this is the story of a boy. But viewers might rather conclude that it is “the tale of two ‘boys’” and the effect they have on each other’s lives. Will teaches Marcus how actually to be a kid, and Marcus helps Will finally to grow up.
Will, the 38-year-old boy, is living off the substantial royalties of “Santa’s Super Sleigh,” a Christmas song his father wrote before Will was born. He’s never had a job or a relationship for more than a few days. He has no friends. A complete slacker, Will’s one purpose in life is to date pretty women. As he relates, “I was the star of the Will Show. It was not an ensemble drama.” Marcus, the other boy, is navigating a leftover-from-the-60’s hippie single mom, Fiona (Toni Collette), who battles depression. He also needs a friend, though most viewers will soon conclude, that unlike Will, he deserves one. Marcus is authentic and charming.
The two meet when Will starts dating women from a single parents support group (Will’s faking that he has a child so that he can pick up on single moms!), and Marcus is sent to spend the day with a single neighbor (Will’s date) and her child. While the date ends badly (Marcus kills a duck at the pond with Fiona’s loaf of healthy, heavy, homemade bread that resembles something like a hockey puck, and they return to Marcus’ home to find Fiona having attempted suicide), Marcus and Will are in each other’s lives for the long haul. Marcus, thinking that Will might be a match for his mother, begins dropping in to Will’s bachelor pad and against all odds, the two become friends despite Will’s protestations.
Marcus soon figures out Will’s selfish philosophy and lifestyle, and decides to change it. Besides he and his mother can use some help. As he says to Will, “Two people aren’t enough; you need a back-up.” Watching Marcus wear down Will is just one of the many humorous pleasures of the film.
Eventually, but kicking and screaming most of the way, Will sees that life without another is meaningless, and that “once you open your heart to one person, you open it to others.” About a Boy is sweet, but also often bittersweet, for it deals with the human condition in a realistic way. Both comedy and drama come from the characters and their situations, for such is life.
Comedy, emotion, family, love
Directed by Paul Weitz and Chris Weitz (American Pie), About a Boy is based on the book by Nick Hornby (High Fidelity) with the screenplay by Peter Hedges (What’s Eating Gilbert Grape) and the Weitz brothers. The movie was a favorite of critics and was nominated for a number of awards for its screenplay, including the Oscars. Not all will be comfortable with some of the Weitz brothers’ other work, but About a Boy should not be missed. These are talented filmmakers. Paul Weitz, in talking about his film concluded, “I think the heart of the film lies in the strong mix of comedy and emotion. It’s extremely funny, but tackles very profound themes about isolation, about family and about love.”
Why did critics like this movie? Because it’s not sentimental, but rather gritty and true. As one critic stated, “People are jerks, but they still need each other. And through each other they can become more whole.” Why did I like it? Largely for the same reasons. The movie provided me spectacles by which to see the nature of human friendship; in the process, it also showed me an essential part of being human.
Reflecting on a Theology of Friendship
Interestingly, the Bible seldom uses the word “friend.” But when it does, we learn much. Perhaps the clearest discussion is found in John 15:12-17, where Jesus is speaking to those whom the society around him might have labeled his closest friends – the twelve disciples. Here, Jesus does call these companions his “friends,” saying that a friend (1) will lay down his life for his colleague. (2) Jesus describes that as their friend, He has revealed everything to them that the Father has shown Him, and (3) in calling them his “friend,” He transcends social status or station. Friendship need not only be between equals.
Here, is the same three-fold pattern of friendship that Marcus offers Will, and vice-versa. To be a whole human being, neither an autonomous “will” nor a “free-man” uncommitted to others is sufficient. What is called for, instead, is a willingness to sacrifice for the other. What is needed is not the deception that has marked Will’s first 38 years, but full disclosure -- frank, open and honest speech. When that is present, men who remain in their delayed adolescence can mature to become the men they are. Likewise, boys who have been forced by life’s circumstances to assume roles beyond their years can be children once again. Finally, friendships blossom across what otherwise might seem to be insurmountable barriers. Will and Marcus end up truly caring for each other.
About a Boy doesn’t preach; it shows. You will finish watching this DVD encouraged to move off your island, put down your i-pad or iphone, and call an acquaintance in the hopes of fostering a friendship.
Next steps: Is there a friend you haven’t contacted for some time, who might benefit from a word from you just now?
For more insight to this topic, order the book, Sacred Companions: The Gift of Spiritual Friendship and Direction, by David G. Benner, from our online store. You might also read the article, “Someone to Watch Over You,” by T. M. Moore.
Here’s a great idea for dealing with America’s moral crisis: do away with morality! Yeah, great idea. T. M. explains in this week’s Perspectives column |
